Understanding
by LooMoo
Summary: Thoughts. Memories. Love. What will it take to understand what matters in the moments of shattered glass and blinding lights? Nanoha x Fate Nanofate ...just hope it's not too late.


**Understanding**

'_Too much noise.'_

My eyelids fluttered until they were barely half open.

It was dark.

'_What the hell happened?'_

I vaguely felt a dull pain in my head as I slowly lifted it up from the soft cushion like object my face was resting against with aching neck muscles.

The moment seemed to stand still as I tried to register my situation.

The only thing to remind me that time was indeed still passing was the incomprehensible, roaring din that pounded my ear drums.

It sounded so close yet almost as if it was part of another universe I was not a part of

…at least not yet.

As it stands I was in the blissful half-consciousness.

Where no troubles could reach me.

Nothing made sense, yet nothing needed to.

Everything was far simpler.

.

I lazily cast my gaze about me.

Nothing would focus for more that a second.

My vision was blurry and the area was dim and gloomy…

Nothing much worth looking at I decided as I wearily coughed.

Glancing around one last time my eye caught sight of something it wish it didn't

.

If only I could have stayed in that blissful half consciousness.

Where this trouble could not have reached me.

But unfortunately _everything_ made sense now.

* * *

_Nanoha puckered her lips as she finished applying her lipstick__. Looking at her self one more time in the dresser mirror she tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ear and flattened out a few minute creases on her light blue formal dress before declaring that she was finally done._

_Looking over her reflections shoulder she spied her fiancé lounging on the bed with a look of utter annoyance on her face as she picked at her nails. She would have looked stunningly beautiful in her long black dress if she didn't carry the air of one who simply couldn't be bothered._

_Sighing, the one in blue turned around to look at her directly._

'_Jeeze cheer up would you.' She muttered as she moved from the dresser to the bed side table to retrieve her waiting clutch purse._

_The blonde shot her a half-hearted glare at the remark 'I'm tired Nanoha, I've been pencil pushing since five o'clock this__ damn morning' she stopped fiddling with her well-manicured finger nails and instead turned her now hardened gaze to the rain hitting the window pain 'I don't particularly want to go tonight'_

'_Well I'm sorry but I was invited and I've already said yes, I can't just not show up now. I've got to stay on good terms with my colleagues' Nanoha huffed. She understood Fate was exhausted but she was still a bit annoyed by her attitude._

'_I'm not an Instructor, they aren't my colleagues. Should've just gone on your own' Faste mumbled the last part but her girlfriend still heard._

'_Fate-chan, we're engaged of course I can't show up without you, stop acting like a child would y-' _

'_Whatever' the blonde grunted before the other could say anymore 'Are you ready then? __Let's just get this stupid night over and done with' without waiting for a reply she walked out their room and strode over to the front door but before making her swift exit turned around and said 'I'll be in the car, bye bye Vivio, be good for Zafira'_

_The little girl who was playing a video game with the large dog in the living room looked over to the empty door way with a look of puzzlement on her face as she wondered why her mother left without giving her a chance to respond._

'_Nanoha-mama, is Fate-mama upset about something?' _

_The Instructor chuckled at her young daughter's intuition. It was very rare that the two love birds argued about anything so she could understand her confusion._

'_No, don't worry Vivio. Fate-mama's just a bit tired and grumpy at the moment.' She moved to her daughter and gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead 'Fate-mama will probably come tuck you in and give you a good night cuddle when we come back if you are still awake' _

'_Okay, love you mama see you later, tell Fate-mama I love her too and that I hope she is in a better mood soon'_

'_Nyahaha okay I will, love you too Vivio' _

* * *

I stared at Nanoha.

She sat in the passenger's seat beside me in an awkward position.

Her face almost looked peaceful.

Like my beautiful angel I would snuggle up to when taking one of our serene afternoon naps…

If it weren't far that deep ugly gash trailing from her temple to her cheek.

The blood seeped from it, leaving crimson tracks as it travelled down her perfect face.

.

My eyes travelled down further, only to widen in horror.

Thighs down, her legs had been crushed by the dashboard which had caved in on itself and dug hideously deep into flesh and muscle.

They were disfigured beyond recognition.

'…_No'_

I tried so hard to look away from them…

Back to her spoiled, marred face.

.

I sluggishly lifted my arm to brush away stray locks of hair that had fallen across her cheek.

They were beginning to stick to the congealing blood on her face.

Time couldn't keep up with the thoughts running through my head.

Silly thoughts…

* * *

'_Happy birthday Fate-mama!' Vivio shouted enthusiastically as she ran in to her parents room bearing gifts. Without waiting for said mama to fully wake up the little girl launched herself into the air off the bed post onto the poor Enforcer's stomach._

'_Omph…Vivio! What kind of __way… is that to wake up someone on their birthday?' Fate wheezed, trying to catch her breath after the unexpected-nine-year-old-to-the-stomach-ing she had just received._

_Vivio giggled 'Hehe sorry Fate-mama' she said with anything but contrition in her voice. If anything she sounded proud at being able to take her mother out._

'_No you aren't you little munchkin! Come here__, I'll make you pay!' _

'_Kya no!' the younger blonde tried her best to scramble away from her punishment but the retreating girl's exposed ankle was swiftly caught as she was dragged across the bed and tickled to within an inch of her life._

'_N-No s-stop…stop…sto-ahaha. Na-Nano-ha-mamahaha he-help!' Vivio cried breathlessly, tears forming in her heterochromatic eyes as she struggled._

_The brunette in the bed next to them, who had been watching quietly with a grin, made no move to aid the tortured-by-tickles girl._

'_If you want Fate-mama to stop you'll have to say sorry like you mean it' she said with a wry smile._

'_I'm s-so-rry mama…I…ahaha… re-really am!' the suffering promptly stopped and she was allowed to catch her breath._

'_So what have we learned today Vivio?' the older blonde said sweetly._

'_Never-never take Fate-mama on in the morning, she'll be cranky' _

'_Hey! I'm not cranky in-' Fate began _

'_It's true Fate-chan you are nyahaha'__ Nanoha interrupted with a cheeky grin, softly elbowing her fiancé._

'_And you Nanoha-mama, you need to control your woman' both women stared incredulously at the little girl before they burst out laughing._

'_Oh dear, I think we've let our daughter spend far too much time with Hayate-chan' Nanoha deduced holding her sides from laughing so hard._

'_Mou, what's so funny?' No answer came apart from the whimpers of the laughter as it began to die out 'Hmm well whatever, here's your present Fate-mama, me and Arf-chan are going to make you breakfast in bed now so stay there and I'll be back in a bit' with that the little girl jumped of the bed and tottered out of the door._

_As soon as she was out of sight, the brunette leant over and gave the other girl a kiss on the lips while placing a small rectangular box in her lap._

'_Happy Birthday Fate' she purred as she pulled back._

'_Thank you Nanoha' she replied looking down at the box before picking it up to examine it. Glancing back up at Nanoha briefly, she slowly untied the thin ribbon and lifted the lid. _

_Her eyes widened in surprise and she gave her fiancé a hug in appreciation_

'_How did you know I wanted this?' She lifted the dainty gold watch and looked closely at it with a goofy grin on her face._

'_I know everything nyahaha. Look on the back' _

_Fate did as instructed and turned the time keeping device over in her hand and saw an inscription embossed into the gold._

'NxF. Two hearts. One connection. Forever.'

* * *

…Silly thoughts

Precious memories.

Were they only last month?

Or from a life time ago?

I looked at the wrist of my outstretched hand.

The watch was covered in my own glistening blood.

And like Nanoha…

It had a huge irreparable fracture across the face.

The two hands forever pointing to the same time.

7:13

Stopped short.

Much like our youth.

.

I looked further up my forearm.

Splintered glass dug deep.

Severing arteries.

Scoring flesh.

'_So much blood'_

* * *

_It was a chilly night __as the young couple, so in love, looked over the beautiful twinkling city. _

_The shorter of the two shivered slightly making the other wrap a tender arm around her shoulders. _

_Nanoha leaned into the touch, she loved being embraced by Fate's caring arms, they were strong and warm. _

_Smiling, she placed a soft kiss on her girlfriends forearm._

'_I love you Nanoha' the blonde whispered_

'_I love you too Fate-chan' Nanoha replied watching the lucent puffs of vapour from her mouth dissipate into the atmosphere with every truthful word she spoke._

_Suddenly the warm arm from her shoulders removed themselves and her view of the city was blocked by an ever so slightly nervous looking Fate._

'_I-I want to be with you forever Nanoha, do you?' _

'_Til the day I die' came the immediate reply, no trace of hesitation in her voice._

_Taking__ courage from the response the Enforcer slowly descended on to one knee, making the other girl gasp quietly._

'_Then will you make me the happiest person alive and marry me?' she coughed slightly '…please'_

_Barely a second passed between the end of the proposition and the excited Nanoha pouncing on her new fiancé shouting 'Yes Fate-chan, yes of course I will!'_

'_R-really?'_

'_I said so didn't I?' she gave the taller girl a kiss that conveyed her feelings perfectly 'I can't wait to live the rest of my life with you as my wife Fate-chan'_

* * *

'_I'm so sorry Nanoha, we never got married in the end'_

A tear of regret and agony fell down my cheek.

.

I thought of Vivio.

I thought of how she would react when she found out her mothers, her two most important people in the world, were in such a situation.

I thought of my mother. Lindy.

Even after all the grief I gave her, she took me in and showed me love I never thought I deserved.

I thought of all the people of all the people who have ever shown me kindness.

Arf. Chrono. Hayate. Yuuno. Signum. Vita. Shamal. Zafira.

Subaru. Teana. Erio. Caro.

I thought of them all…

.

How did it come to this?

I'm an Enforcer.

Eleven years in service.

An Ace.

Fought and defeated armies single handed.

Reduced to this pathetic mess by something as mundane as a car crash.

How ironic.

.

It's funny, the things that go through your mind before you die.

'_Before I die?'_

* * *

_Fate sighed for the umpteenth__ as she steered her expertly car down the twists and turns of the helter-skelter like road of Akuma Shiro Hill. She glanced briefly out her side window at the vertigo inducing drop, but didn't let it frighten or deter her, for she'd travelled this route many-a-time with her family._

_Looking back complacently at the road as she turned another corner she sighed again._

'_Would you stop sulking already' the woman in the passengers seat said in exasperation as she turned to look at her wife sternly as a parent would to their child._

'_It's not my fault I don't want to go to this stupid brown-nosing party' Fate replied with a pout._

'_It's not a brown-nosing party. I've been to plenty of work parties for you Fate-chan how were those any different to this?' she enquired defensively, eyeing the blonde up as she waited for an answer, suspecting something else was wrong to make her act this way._

'_They just were…' she said simply as she concentrated on the road, but after a few seconds she gripped the steering wheel slightly harder as she mumbled '…because HE wasn't there'_

_Bingo._

'_So that's what this is all about? You're jealous because one of my male work friends has taken a bit of a liking to me' she paused, sighing before continuing 'what's wrong don't you trust me or something?'_

_Fate raised her voice slightly as she countered that question 'Of course I trust you, it's him I don't trust. Always being so chummy and touchy-feely, it makes me sick'_

'_He's just a nice guy, not some animal on heat ready to pounce on me at any given moment' she said raising her voice slightly to match her fiancé's._

'_Yeah right, are you blind? I've seen the lecherous look in his eye when he looks at you'_

_Fate barked speeding up slightly on the stretch of straight road before the next corner._

'_Don't be absolutely ridiculous Fate'_

_The Enforcer turned to look at her girlfriend, noticing the lack of honorific 'I'm not being ridiculous, I just-'_

'_SHIT, FATE LOOK OUT!' Fate turned back to round in time to see the blaring head lights of the large truck as it turned much too fast around the sharp bend._

_She__ slammed on the breaks in vain as the car skidded and smashed the other vehicle at an angle, which caused her black sports coupe to spin and career over the edge of the cliff._

_Nanoha watched in horror as the scene played out in front of her in slow motion. _

_She sensed how every muscle in Fate's body went rigid in shock when she had first seen the truck. _

_She heard her heartbeatloudly in her ears, with slow and heavy thuds._

_She saw every crack appear in the windscreen on the first impact._

_She felt sudden pain as her head smashed against the dashboard._

_Then nothing._

* * *

The adrenaline was beginning to fade.

My senses were coming back to me.

I could feel my body.

My right hand had been crushed.

My ribs were broken.

Sharp twisted metal had penetrated my stomach.

I coughed feebly again, now realising it caused a torrent of blood to force up my throat and trickle over my lips.

I could hear much better now.

The once unintelligible noise, revealed itself as the roaring, crackle of fire.

It was very close.

I could also smell.

The potent scent of petrol was over whelming.

...

'_Shit__…so this is how my life's going to end'_

_._

My sore somnolent eyes were still fixed on Nanoha.

I thought of our argument.

Our stupid little argument.

Would that be Nanoha's last memory of me?

_'If nothing else...__I can't leave it this way'_

I didn't have much time.

I shook her shoulder.

'Nanoha…Nanoha wake up…please'

She wasn't moving

I shook her some more.

'…_Please'_

She began to stir.

Her eyelids opened tentatively. Wincing with pain, she looked over at me.

It killed me knowing this could be the last time I would see those eyes.

I swallowed back blood.

She looked scared.

There was so much I wanted to say to her.

I wanted to say I was sorry for the silly fight.

I wanted to thank her for making my short life so full of happiness.

I wanted to tell her she meant everything to me.

But I knew I wouldn't have time.

Instead I would say something that encapsulates all of those feeling.

'Nanoha…I lo-'

…

* * *

A/N: Fate never got to finish her sentence before the car exploded T^T

*sob*

On Saturday I just woke up and out of nowhere had a real urge to right this...and I quite like it even though it's sad

And in case you were wondering this is _'thoughts' _and these are _memories/flashbacks. _

Anyway please review x


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